Raising kids who blossom

We may believe that children are not interested in anything, just because they are not interested in what we’re interested in. But if we deeply listen to them, rather than to ourselves, we can discover what fascinates them. If a child is not interested in what we like, we should rather enter the world of the child and feel what he or she feels.

This was obvious when I worked with a family in the Middle East. The parents continued to complain that their son Amir was not interested in anything and that if he had not been rooted in some activity, he would not realise anything in life. The more days passed, the more I discovered interesting aspects of this child.

First of all, he knew how to relax!

This aspect was considered of little account by the parents, because they were both used to never stopping, encouraging the hard work. For that, this aspect of their son was quite embarrassing. Amir loved to relax with music, and he knew all types of music. He had done some yoga classes, and a few times, I was guided by him into beautiful relaxations in which I was about to fall asleep. This is an art, and, frankly, seeing this developed in a 10-year-old kid, in which it has not been particularly instilled, hit me.

Amir not only knows a lot of music, but also a myriad of movies and actors. He does great movie reviews, and he loves going to the cinema. Amir knows many places throughout the world and the collections of several designers. When we walked into a clothing store, he already knew the name of the summer collection. The salesman there confirmed that it was the exact name. Amir used his iPad to search for information of any kind on the internet: history, news, science, computer science …

He is an affectionate and sensitive child: one day, I was not in great shape, and he continued knocking on my door to delight me with tea and sweets. I thought that he had read my mind and, on that occasion, I have renamed Amir, my guardian angel.

Amir loves to play basketball, even though it is not the favorite sport by his father, who wanted to see him excel in martial arts. One day, I accompanied Amir to his martial arts lesson to see him at work because I had imagined seeing him very different from when he plays basketball. In fact, he was awkward and slowed down, and someone struck him.

I told the parents that a shaft of peaches may not give the pears, and I encouraged Amir to choose for himself, and not for his father. 

Amir loves to travel: as soon as I arrived in the city, he wanted to do a sightseeing tour with me, but his mother suggested otherwise. Amir would be leaving for a tour every day, discovering new corners of the city: activities that should be absolutely encouraged by the parents.

When I informed the mother that Amir is a child full of passions, she was quite surprised. 

The father still wanted an energetic son: when he brought him to the pool, he expected Amir to do 70 tanks, while Amir hoped to just relax and enjoy the water.

Parents can learn to listen to their children by leaving them the freedom to choose what they love, interrupting the chain of duty-pain that is still so rooted. Neuroscience has discovered that when learning is supported by positive emotions, it becomes much more powerful. 

Fun, comprehension and enthusiasm are the necessary ingredients to raising kids who blossom.